i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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