I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
