My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
