Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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