Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
