proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
