i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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