Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
