dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
