Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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