Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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