You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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