my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
