I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
