Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
