At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
