barbara walters just said penis...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
