Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
