Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
