The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
