I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
