you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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