An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
