dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
