i wish my penis had a tongue
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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