He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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