Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
