Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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