just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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