I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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