My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
