dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
