you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
