I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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