yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
