I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is Oprah even human
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
