why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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