Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
