I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
