He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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