do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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