it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sobbing to NWA
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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