I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
