Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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