Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
