When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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