Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
