you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
