Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
