honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
