It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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