I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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