who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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