Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Its about making memories worth repressing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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