And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
