worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
