I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i love accidental penises.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
