i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
