I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
