thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
