My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My feet surprised me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
