Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
