do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
