Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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